I believe all lesbians, being that we’re all women, want and need the same thing. Lesbians all over the world experience the same prejudice, oppression and discrimination. We all go through the same phase of self-discovery, acceptance and challenges as we present ourselves in the society. It is never easy for any gay individual to live the lifestyle because there will always be someone opposing to it. Fortunately in the west, they have stronger laws that protect homosexuals from harassment and discrimination. Where as in Asia, well… let’s just say we are not as fortunate as our sisters and brothers from the west. Aside from our culture and tradition that favors men; we are also governed by religion.
The lesbian scene in Asia is pretty stereotyped. Most Asian lesbians practice the butch and femme labeling but then again, there are some who don’t. So before making your move on Lesley, make sure if she’s into the traditional role playing and if so, which one is she playing. As a precaution, please know that butch-to-butch relationships in Asia are pretty rare – if not taboo. Once your lesbian categories are settled, you may now make a move.
Talk to her. This is also a good opportunity to find out if she’s out of the closet. Most Asian families are still in the dark when it comes to homosexuality and will still try to control their precious daughter even if she’s already 25 years old. In Asia, it doesn’t matter how old you are. Parents will still try to control you to prevent you from bringing shame into the family and try to lead you into the “normal” life. But then again, there are some Asian families who have embraced homosexuality as part of the norms and encourage their daughters to love freely.
So you’re going on a date. What’s your first step? Take a bath and make that body of yours squeaky clean. Hygiene is very important. Trim and shave that muffin because we’ll never know where this date is going to lead you. We want you smelling nice and clean so spraying light scented cologne will be great. Wear neat clothes and brush your teeth.
Pick a place where you’re both comfortable. If she’s still in the closet, ask her where she prefers to stay. We don’t want her mother making a scene so it’s best that you stay somewhere safe.
The thing with us lesbians is we treat each other fairly well. But do not forget about chivalry especially if you’re dating an Asian femme lesbian. Hold the door open for her; carry her purse etc. – the whole “gentleman” practice. It would be nice to bring her flowers on your first date but if she’s not out and still lives with her parents, that might not be a good idea – maybe something small but special that she can bring home and keep instead.
Women love to talk so I’m pretty sure we won’t be having any problems in the conversation area. Topics will be the standard “getting to know you”. This is a good opportunity to drop some compliments since we tend to be insecure about our race around foreigners. But don’t over do it because we might think you’re just experimenting with us.
Most out of the closet Asian lesbians are a bit loose in terms of conservativeness. We wouldn’t mind a bit of public display of affection (PDA). We’d hold hands and kiss you in public but don’t expect a hot torrid kiss – a short and sweet French kiss is probably as far as you’re going to get UNLESS we’re in a lesbian crowd (i.e. exclusive lesbian parties). So if you score at the end of the date, congratulations! You’ve snagged yourself a Mulan girlfriend.
In a country where women are supposed to be a virgin till her honeymoon, sex is a big deal for us. Not a lot of Asian lesbians would have meaningless sex. Dildos and vibrators are a bit costly in Asia and due to our conservative culture; there is not a lot of places that sells them so do not be surprised if the idea of sex toys are a bit of a taboo to us Asian lesbians. We do everything the good old classic way so wash up before anything else.
Asians have close family ties so if your Asian girlfriend is out or would brave her family (and relatives) and introduce you to them, just relax. Behave your best and be polite to her family – even if they aren’t at their best. Don’t give them reasons to dislike you. Bring something for the family when you come over preferably something edible like a good cake or pastries that you can all share while they get to know you.
Asian women, regardless of their sexual orientation are faithful, caring and very loving. When you win an Asian woman’s heart, you also gain a lifetime partner. She will take care of you and love you through thick and thin. You will always be her priority and will consider your betterment before anything else. So if you end up with an Asian woman for a life partner, take care of her and make her happy. She’s worth every effort and emotional investment.